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“Fatty, Fatty, Fatty!
Those were the only words I remember from my 1st day at school aged 4 ½. I had never heard that word before, but somehow I knew exactly what it meant. I felt different...I didn’t fit in.
I decided at that tender age that no one was going to hurt me again. So, I started to build a physical wall around my body…A great big wall of fat.
I started dieting as a teenager and spent the rest of my life on and off diets. Each time I put on more weight than I had before. I hated myself, I felt like an animal, I eventually became disabled by the sheer size of my body. I had breathing problems and would be out of breath just walking a short distance. When I walked into a room I would always look for a chair with no arms so that I would fit on to it. I would cry with shame when I got on a plane and struggled to pull the strap across my lap and even had to ask for the extension strap. I would watch people’s faces as I walked down the isle on the plane. You could see they were thinking “I hope she doesn’t sit next to me”. At theme parks I had to choose carefully which rides to go on, just in case I wouldn’t be able to pull the bar down.
I would hate the heat of summer, I couldn’t work, and I would sweat buckets.
What fat meant to me: Stupid. Ugly. Unlovable. Low Self Esteem. Shame. Sadness. Loneliness. Alone. Hopelessness. Helplessness. People Pleaser. Please like me. Verbal abuse. Abused generosity. I was lower than a piece of dirt on a shoe.
I have been learning why I am like I am, accepting myself, understanding that what ever has happened in my life has been a learning curve, a stepping stone to now. So all is not lost, in fact I am grateful, because now I have found my purpose. I believe that in order to help other you must 1st have experienced that which you are helping others with.
I reached the edge of the cliff. I put on so much weight I was heading for a heart attack and early death. I had hit the self destruct button and was on a mission to nowhere. I had to do something about this.
A switch came on in my head. The decision had been made, I was going to lose weight and be slim for the first time in my life. Then I came across a leaflet advertising The TLC-Lifestyle Program. This was the one for me, I had not been on a diet for years as I had decided that they didn’t work, right!!. So I had to be sure I was committed and ready to let go of the excess weight. I had to be sure I had no further use for it any more. I was ready to come out, to emerge. A transformation was about to take place. I started my TLC-Program in November 2005 and I LOST 140lbs IN 10 MONTHS. I discovered this slim woman inside of this huge body of mine. I eat completely differently now and have kept the weight off.
I blend into the world now, I no longer feel different, separate, lonely and alone. I feel like I have entered the human race for the first time. I feel like a woman, not a blob. I don’t have to put up with any abuse any more. I am stronger. I have inner strength and determination. I now have a vision and goal to encourage and help others to free themselves from the prison of their bodies, to extend their lives, to live long happy lives. To love themselves. To be open, honest and true. To come out of the fat closet and be free.
I get such deep fulfilment helping others on their journey back to a healthy, happy life with a body they feel comfortable in.
I HAVE THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD!"
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